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By: Hasni Hassan

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Tuesday, 13-Oct-2009 16:22 Email | Share | | Bookmark
Bersambung ke http://koknie.blogspot.com

Sayang kat fotopages ni.. at least ada kenangan2 yang dikongsi bersama.. tapi bukan rajin pun nak update.. see my latest udpates at http://koknie.blogspot.com

rasa semacam satu nostalgia pulak.. dari fotopages ke facebook (dah almost 1 mth tak access sbb kat ofis kene blok, kat rumah xde internet - sbb keperluan belum mendesak..) to blogspot..

Ya Allah, masukkanlah kami bersama-sama golongan yang diredhai olehMu..


Sunday, 7-Jun-2009 14:48 Email | Share | | Bookmark
Pengorbanan Seorang Suami bernama Mohd 'Afif (Sep 06 - now)

Salam all..

Entry ni khusus pasal liku2 kehidupan semenjak kami sampai di Manchester, dtg dgn tujuan utk mak meneruskan pengajian di peringkat PhD... kedatangan yg memerlukan pengorbanan banyak pihak, terutamanya 'Afif, anak2, dan ahli keluarga di Malaysia.

Sep 06 - June 07
X lupa diucapkan terima kasih kpd yg byk membantu sblm kedtgn (Dr. Rairy, Jupri, dll), semasa baru sampai, host kami - Asyraf & Fiza, Enche Husin & Su, dll.. Sesungguhnya bantuan kalian hanya Allah yg dpt membalas dgn setimpal..

Mula dtg, x sejuk sgt.. tapi soalan yg anak2 tanya adalah, "Ayah, betul ke ni Manchester, rasa mcm x percaya.." hehehehe.. rasanya Wafa' tanya mcm tu sbb npk ramai org Pakistan, tu yg dia mcm x percaya ni negara omputih.. Jalan kaki sampai ke Cheetham, kebetulan rumah yg dijanjikan tu x dpt (xde rezeki), so terpaksa cari rumah sendiri.. after a week di rumah Asyaraf, dpt rumah d Faraday's Ave. Pun xde rezeki sbb dok situ 2 wks je krn landlord buat hal..

1st day puasa, angkut brg2 pindah ke Seymour Road dgn dibantu oleh Dr. Hazlie Mokhlis. Kesian + sedih tgk anak bertungkus lumus membantu wpun Wafa' & Busyra mmg berpuasa hari tu.. *thank you my darlings!!!!!* Rumah Seymour tu pun sbrnya transit je sementara mencari rumah lain.. basement yg luas, with a gorgeous kitchen, 1 large bedroom, 1 large reception. Time tu winter, so x byk sgt cahaya masuk.. tapi Alhamdulillah, landlord & isterinya sgt2 baik.. anak2nya pun baik,.. merekalah empunya Irfan Continential Food Store kat Crumpsall ni..

Rasanya sempat duduk di situ for 2 mths kot, mmg terpaksa cr rumah yg lbh besar & proper sbb bak & Che akan dtg ke Manchester, bwk helper. Depa akan sampai 16/12.. Kebetulan g bank, officer bank tu (muslim) offered us his house at Cedric Road. Ok, semua baru.. siap ada 2 blk air, a conservatory & a huge garden.. kat dpn pun agak besar, muat utk park kereta +ada pokok rose lagi.. ishkk.. So bila B & C datang, adalah rumah yg selesa.. masa tu tukar kereta Wagon, muat nak g jln2.

Time B&C ada tu, winter.. sian depa sejuk.. sempat jugak mak kerja cleaning for 2 wks kat Incubator bldg tu.. lps tu quit sbb kerja sekolah byk.. lgpun, mmg kene kerja part time, time tu elaun blnan around 853 pounds je sedangkan perbelanjaan blnan around 1200 - 1300 pounds.. Kesian 'Afif buat kerja cleaning sementara mencari2 kerja yg sesuai dgn kelayakan..

Kalau x silap, 'Afif start kerja permanent by early March. Dah rezeki.. B&C pulak kebetulan awalkan tiket ke Dubai (after 3 mths kat sini). Buda2 g sekolah Crumpsall Lane, around 20 - 25 mins walk from home. Sebenanrya lama gak kami book rumah Dr. Abu d Hermitage Rd (lbh murah & dekat dgn sekolah & kedai), akhirnya kami pindah ke rumah tu kalau x silap on the 26th June 2007, 2 days before mak & anak2 terbang pulang ke Msia utk data collection (where 'Afif joined us a mth later). Balik collect data stay d rumah Nor di Sg. Buaya, sgt hectic sbb byk kerja nak dibuat dlm masa 2 mths! By the time 'Afif sampai msia pun, we spent the 1st 2 wks ke sana sini cari participants for my study. Sempat la 2 wks lg balik kg, Kedah & Trg. Tapi sgt hectic..

Sept 07 - Aug 08
Balik ke Manchester & teruskan pengajian.. mcm2 benda berlaku, Raya Puasa mengejut & kebetulan kene present 1st Yr progress on Hari Raya!! Rasa mcm ok je belajar, tapi... langit x selalunya indah... Dpt tahu my supervisor had the intention to leave the university.. dan... akupun tergolek.. dunno why i took it really hard.. maybe itu adalah indication yg i had to face more problems in the future.. she was on her sabbatical for 1 yr, so rasa mcm self supervised during the 2nd year & guess that was where the problem started...

Balik collect data lagi in July for a few mths.. transferred to CS in September (while i was still in Msia), & oh.. 'Afif had to quit his job again sbb nak blk lama ke Msia.. & in fact life was so stressful during the following months..

To cut a long story short, 'Afif had made one of the biggest decision in his life, again. Quit his job in AD, and come here to support me & be with the family. Di tengah2 kemelut recession, org kene buang kerja, he had quitted his job for us.. & sbnrnya coz i hadn't completed my study & he wants to be here to support me..

Mixed feelings really.. soooo happy coz life was terrible when he wasn't around, but at the same time, i cannot help feeling guilty that he had to quit his job, come over & can no longer able to work full time just because of the commitment to this family.. May allah bless Him, bless us for his sacrifice.. I know that it must have been pretty tough for him to do this, but deep inside my heart, I really appreciate what he is doing.. & what makes me sad is that, i don't know whether i could sacrifice as much as he does to us.. I sincerely thank you, my beleoved husband, for your love & commitment to us..

The good thing about living far away from each other is that we learnt to appreciate each other more.. & to love each other more.. And in fact, i feel that our love & relationship have grown stronger.. May Allah bless us, here & in the hereafter..

To my beloved husband, Mohd 'Afif Ahmad;

Quote:
There are no words in this world that could describe how thankful & how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband like you.. Thank You Allah for all your blessings..


Wsm.


Sunday, 7-Jun-2009 11:10 Email | Share | | Bookmark
Pengorbanan Seorang Suami bernama Mohd 'Afif (18/8/96 - 31/8/06)

Salam all..

oh well... i started to be emotional now.. & i think i want to dedicate this space for him, on his 37th Birthday.. 1st of all, i think it's good that i've remembered that i have this pages.. i find it quite soothin to talk my heart out on these pages.. a little backdated, as opposed to blogsphere and a far cry from constantly busy environment of Facebook.. hehehe

It's true that it is difficult for some people to express their feelings verbally, and sometimes they might find it easier to have it written.. oh, the same goes to me, EXCEPT... except that for me, kalau dah menulis tu, biasanya melalut2.. kekekek.. sgt tinggi probabilitynya utk keluar dr topik (as i'm demonstrating it now!).

My husband

AUSMAT6 Years (1991 - Sec 2, Shah Alam)
Met him during our years at KPP Shah Alam, to be exact, at Section 2, AUSMAT sometime in 1991. Entah ada ke tak lagi bangunan2 yg digunakan utk program AUSMAT tu.. hahaa.. bila terkenang kisah2 lama, nak tegelak pun ada.. masa tu, rambutnya, hmm.. rasa mcm ada rambut, x la ala2 botak mcm sekarang kan.. selalu melepak kat tangga di blok kitorang tu.. kebetulan kelasnya kat situ.. ye la, time tu, budak2 program A-Levels tumpang kat tpt kitorang.. oh, AL9 he was, & i was with AUSMAT6 program. Masa tu la jumpa, diintroducekan oleh Rozana (my batch, dah lost contact, hope blh cari dia thru FB). Sekali pandang, rasa berkenan.. tgk pun sepintas lalu je, x perati2 sgt pun.. sampaikan x perasan ada jerawat di muka.. hahahahahah.. sorry darlingggg...

so, that was then.. xde pun bersembang or apa2.. gitu je ceritanya.. simple kan...

Australia (B.Eng EE, Uni. of South Australia, Feb 1992 - June 1996)
Dah ditakdirkan, kami jumpa balik through IRC.. percaya x.. rasanya that was sometime mid 1995). hahaha.. cerita seterusnya... rahsia.. kekekekekek.. tu la, sapa suruh sibuk2 nak tahu hal org?? hahahahahaha...

May 1996
Pinangan dihantar ketika saya berada di Adelaide.. tragis jugak kan.. xde la nak sarungkan cincin bertunang kat sapa2.. melepas la nak rasa buah2an tempatan drpd Kedah.. by the time sampai Msia, yg dapat hanyalah cincin tunang & sepasang (??) kain utk dibuat baju.. Kelam kabut lepas tu nak buat kenduri kawin.. seingat2 diri ini, rasanya dekat2 nak kenduri tu la sakit gigi (bengkak wisdom), etc.. eshh.. mcm2 laa...

18th August 1996
Kenduri kahwin kami - Che Hasni Hassan (Spt tertulis di kad jemputan kawin di Langgar) & Mohd 'Afif Ahmad, + Suraya Hassan & Affandy Mohd Shaari (2 sekali, bagus x idea tu..).. 24/8/96 - majlis menyambut menantu di Langgar.. 1st time sampai Kedah wooo...

Sep 1996
Ikut hubby ke Bath, UK. Well. he was in his final year (Architecture). Seingat2lah, i was pregnant in Dec that year.. menyewa di Arundale Rd (kalau x silap) dgn Hanim, Nuzah, & Kamil (sewa bilik beb..).. sempat la merasa BBQ spare ribs yg sedap itu, jln kaki turun town, snow be4 & during christmas holidays & beli sepasang kasut clarks for 40 pounds.. (yg blh dipakai sehingga bertahun2!!) oh, juga beli sehelai track bottom yg sama dgn suami (size je la berbeza)..

March 1997
Alahan sgt teruk.. balik ke Msia sorang2.. sian 'Afif nak habiskan final yearnya.. tp sblm balik tu sempat la berpuasa sama2 & beraya di Bath.. ingat lagi pernah tidur kat prayer room, bawak bekal & tunggu 'Afif buat kerja sekolah kat studio.. & waktu sahur, turun makan.. lembik loli kata org, it was decided that it might be best for me to go back & stay with my parents.. lagipun taknak menyusahkan 'Afif kene jaga pulak... so pulanglah daku...

March - May 1997
Sedihhh... selalu menangis.. rindu kat suami... anak dalam perut pun x bergerak..oh ya, satu pengalam semasa ni, sempat mengajar jadi guru sementara (GSTT) di Sek. Men. Sultan Ahmad. dah lupa nama GuruBesarnya, tapi sangat sporting and supportive during my difficult times.. balik dr family holidays di Kenyir, bleeding.. etc.. etc.. anak dah mati dalam perut sebenarnya... lagi la sedihhh.. masa tu, my parents & Ko'na mmg byk bg support.. pjg cerita, x perlu lah distori morikan segala2nya kat sini.. 'Afif pun balik ke Msia, after i was discharged from the hospital.. melupakan hasratnya utk sambung belajar di Cardiff Uni, Wales..

Jun - Sep 1997
Start cari kerja lain.. dpt interview with TNB KL, interview kat HQ.. terang ckp masa interview x mau keje di KL, nak dok KT.. hahaha.. ntahla, maybe mmg dah set nak kerja kat kg halaman kot.. ada jugak dpt offer kerja around KL, but x interested. Kalau x lupa, kat KT dpt gak offer kerja as an engineer with a private company, and an offer with MARA Shipyard? (ingat2 lupa). Tapi agaknya dah mmg x minat kerja jadi Engineer (not really sure why), lbh minat utk jadi cikgu.. hehehe... Oh ya, rasanya time ni 'Afif dah start kerja dgn PASB dengan gaji RM1500.

1 Okt 1997 - now
Start kerja with KUSZA (Kolej Ugama Sultan Zainal Abidin), and now known as Universiti Darul Iman (UDM - effective 1st Jan 2008). Time mula2 kerja, tgh mabuk2.. alahan, mengandungkan Wafa' time tu.. dah x sure, rasanya dah pindah duduk sendiri, rumah sewa yg pertama adalah sebuah rumah kayu yang besar dan selesa di Kg, Telaga Batin, tepi epot KT (Lapangan Terbang Sultan Mahmud). Ingat lagi, time Jasman balik kg, bunyi flight touchdown dok kat bilik air, dah tu sempat lg g epot sambut dia on time.. hahahahah.

Bila dah start duduk sendiri ni, mcm2 perkara berlaku.. well.. gitula kan.. ingat lagi 'Afif berkebun, tanam sawi & tembikai di tepi rumah.. kereta pulak, masa tu pakai Honda Accord WBX 911 (eishh... digit tu mcm x brp ingat aaa).. our first car.. rasanya mcm mahal jugak, beli dgn dealer yg used to be Ko'na punya jiran di Kg. Paloh..

pjg cerita lagi nihhh... *pheww...*

25th March 1998
Lahirkan Wafa' @ HKT through C-section operation. Ingat jugak masa awal2 mengandung tu, both of us belum ada pekerjaan.. gi check pregnant pun, org layan semacam je, ye la.. 2-2 unemployed.. ehh.. ke aku je yg perasan org layan lain mcm? hehehe.. dekat2 37th wks of pregnancy, scan npk baby songsang (d Klinik Kump Muslimah, ingat lg nihh..), then referred to HKT. Buat rutin check-up, Dr. cakap normal pulak.. scan lagi kat Klinik Rohana & Seripah, songsang pulak, in fact this time Dr cakap baby besar, around 3.3 kg.... finally, warded for monitoring.. Eventually, Dr. Zul (kalau x silap nama dia aaa.. dr pakar di HKT) advised utk buat operation sbb dah turun tanda (bleeding).. so, gitula ceritanya.. A healthy fat girl, Wafa' was born on 25th March 1998 @ 3.35kg..

May 2000 - May 2002
Found out that i was pregnant again last month.. happynyaaa.. tapi, it didn't last long.. miscarriaged lagi @ 6 wks of pregnancy.. warded jugak sbb dr suspect ectopic pregnancy.. eventually buat D&C.. kali ni, sakit sangat rasanya after D&C.. maybe sbb kebetulan time tu sibuk pack barang nak pindah rumah & angkut brg2 ke KL, utk sambung buat MSc. di UiTM.

1st rumah sewa, rumah Su di Puncak Alam.. jauhnyaaaa... masa tu mana ada jln2 mcm la ni.. org pun x ramai kat situ.. wpun rumah cantik, tp faktor jauh & jauh dr org made us move to Klang, Pangsapuri Bukit Kuda; menyewa di rumah Che Doh.. ok apa kat situ.. kat situ la Wafa' dah start nakal, cabut keyboard buttons, belajar x pakai diapers, etc.. etc..

Around Oct that year, got pregnant again & had a miscarriage, again.. at around 6 wks, tp kali ni x g spital or buat D&C sbb agak confirm selamat (pandai2 je ek..) around Dec that year, pregnant with Busyra.. ingat lagi we moved from Bukit Kuda Apt to Subang Jaya (SS19) when i was 7 mths pregnant.. MasyaAllah.. nasib baik selamat.. masa tu pun i was in my final semester in UiTM, so rasanya better duduk dekat skit dgn UM, senang 'Afif nak g uni.. lagipun, bygkan 'Afif naik motor kapcai from Klang to UM, sampai hitam kulit dek panahan mentari,. jauh, penat.. kesian kan... tapi, itulah besarnya pengorbanan seorang suami yg mahu memberikan kemudahan kepada seorang isteri.. *dah start sedey dah ni...*

Duduk di SS19, rumah x la besar sgt.. tapi mahal.. rasanya RM650/mth.. kat bawah tu, ada open living/dining (kecik je) & kitchen.. & 1 blk air.. santai gile.. kat atas ada 2 blk, 1 blk air & a small balcony.. it was ok living there, jiran sblh kiri & kanan rumah tu baik sgt.. ingat lagi anak India tu yg selalu dtg mtk daun kari dlm pagar kat blkg dapur kami.. "auntieeeee.. nak daun kariiiiiiii.." hehehe

Guess life was quite hectic at that time.. selalu aje moody, marah2.. penat, nak belajar, nak jaga anak (wpun baru sorang).. at 36 weeks, arond 12pm, duduk kat blk atas dgn wafa', sakit perut sampai xleh bergerak.. kebetulan keta masuk workshop.. nasib baik ada Teque (member archi 'Afif d UM), dtg bg bantuan utk ke HKL.. doctors were not sure what my problem was sbb baby blm engagged, air ketuban pun x pecah, turun tanda pun blm, tapi sakit sampai xleh bergerak.. Finally, sorang dr pakar cadangkan utk pecahkan air ketuban. When they monitored the baby's heart beat, they eventually decided to send me off to the OT coz the heartbeat had slowed down, not a good progress for the baby..

And there you go.. Busyra was delivered @ HKL, 2.75kg, on 24th August 2001. Kurus, mancung sgt hidungnya.. x tau kenapa ramai sgt org di hospital tegur cakap baby tu comey (even some chinese and indian).. oh again, a C-section was performed on me. Sgt kritikal sbb dr terpaksa injek around 20 times kat tengkuk kiri dan kanan, x dpt masukkan jarum for the oepration sbb katanya my blood veins dah kecut (aaaa????).. it was really painful, i remembered that i was shivering & my body was shaken non-stop while i was on the operating table.. rasa mcm nak mati.. kebetulan i had an epideural op (i was numb halfway from my waist to feet), i could hear the doctors shouting that i had serious internal bleeding. I even could hear them sucking the blood away.. ergghhh.. scaryy..

I was put under the heater for 2 hrs after the operation.. menggigil2, x leh stop.. due to blood loss of around 1.5 litre.. Alhamdulillah, bila dah ok skit, there came my hero & Wafa', ushering me to the ward..

Lepas tu, bermula la kisah yg lbh hectic utk 'Afif & me.. ye la, dah ada org baru.. bwk turun katil ke tingkat bawah, letak kat corner bwh tangga.. x perlu turun naik.. susah gak nak jaga sbb kene operate lagi kan.. After a week, baru 'Afif namakan Busyra.. mcm2 nama tengok, ingatkan nak bagi nama Imtiyaz la.. & Wan Langgar pun ada cadangkan nama jugak.. Oh sblm terlupa, aruah Tok Wok datang jaga mak & Busyra for a month.. (she came 2 wks after Busyra was born).

May 2002 - Nov 2004
Balik KUSZA, after lahirkan Busyra, rasa slim lagi masa tu.. still 49kg. maintain berat sblm kawin.. tapi lepas tu (nak cari excuse aa ni), start dpt kerja admin with UeL-KUSZA. Byk duduk dr berjln/g kelas.. so, time ni la berat badan mula menunjukkan belangnya.. naik 3 kg youuuu... nak buat mcmana... 'Afif pun sambung kerja dgn PASB.

Nov 2004 - June 2005
Was pregnant again sometime in November.. Ngeri gak sbb pengalaman yg lepas, bila tahu pregnant je mesti mabuk2 sampai 5 bln.. 1 wk after tahu pregnant, rasa orait je sbb blh makan dgn gembira. In fact siap ckp dgn member2, harap2 kali ni x alahan.. tapi, after that.... pengalaman mengandung paling ngeri.. xleh bau org, air liur sentiasa penuh dlm mulut & x leh tgk org lelaki, rasa nak muntah... almost 2 mths melepek mcm kain buruk.. gi keje pun tergolek kat bilik di Blok Khadijah.. bleeding jugak masa 2 mths tu, doktor cakap threatened abortion.. since dah ada history, ngerinya rasa.. Alhamdulillah time tu students KUSZa cuti, so xde kelas.. melepek kat bilik je la.. x jumpa org pun. ada apa2 kerja yg kene htr, thru email je la...

20th May 2005
Excited gatai nak g scan kat klinik. Dr. Fadhilah cakap, npk jantina baby, lelaki.. Alhamdulillahh.... the best bdae present so far.. hehehe

Sakit perut sampai xleh bergerak, at midnight jugak, on 9th June.. trauma sbb bila kat emergency drs ckp dunno what was wrong with me,, tried to explain that i had this previous history of 'uterine rupture' tapi siapalah kita, nak explain mende2 mcm tu kat dr.. lagipun medical records are not transferrable among hospitals.. bila dr scan pun x de tanda2 nak bersalin, or tanda2 rupture..

i remembered being ushered to the labour room.. dngar org merintih sakit nak bersalin all over the place.. masa tu mata pun dah x npk, rasa mcm dah xleh buka.. yg ingat, 'afif balik hantar anak2 ke rumah che.. siap kene marah dgn nurses sbb x buka brg2 kemas.. mana la ignat/sempat, emergency kannnnn... at least at that time i was able to tell them the phone no.. when i was left on my own, i could feel like i was running out of breath.. hanya mampu sebut nama Allah... depa dah bagi morphine utk tahan sakit, but guess it didn't work. Nasib baik bila rasa nafas dah semput, org sebelah katil menjerit panggil doktor & lepas tu dah x ingat apa2..

Rasa mcm tidur lamaaa sgt, sedar org ushered masuk dlm ward.. rasa mcm dah siang.. but fell asleep again.. the next time i woke up, ada dr dtg, bagitau they performed an emergency op on me & i had experienced ruptured uterine again, at the same spot (di bhgn atas uterus yg bersambung dgn perut). Pecahan tu lbh kurang sebesar tapak tangan, x tahu la berapa cm.. the dr explained that they had performed a BTL (in layman term, they have sterilised me) krn keadaan tu sgt merbahaya & if i get pregnant again, it could cost my life and the baby.. MasyaAlalh.. bertarung dgn maut sebenarnya...

'Abdurrahman was born premature @ 28 weeks of pregnancy, weighing a mere 1.5kg. He was warded 4 weeks & discharged from the hospital when we was 4 weeks old @ 1.7 kg. Apa2pun, sblm terlupa dizahirkan di sini, segala kesakitan, perjuangan & pengalaman2 ni semuanya xkan berjaya dilalui tanpa support & kasih sayang yg sepenuhnya daripada seorang suami yg bernama Mohd 'Afif.. there is no perfect word to describe what he had done & sacrificed for me, for my family & for everybody.. only Allah knows, & only Allah can best reward him..

June 2005 - 31/9/06[i]
Ada anak kecik, lelaki pulak tu.. eiiii... lengkap rasanya hidup ni.. bila keluar dr wad, ramai org dtg melawat.. semua takut nak pegang sbb kecik sgt.. hehehe.. ye la, time kat wad tu, pakai diapers saiz S pun sampai ke dada.. bila org2 Kg Gong Pak Jin dtg melawat, depa cakap "masakanya anak Tini ni"... ohhh,, masak tu rupa2nya gelap... *cepat2 doa agar anakku x gelap..."hehehe...

early 2006, dah start sibuk cari peluang utk buat PhD. Mmg bercita2 nak g UK, dari dulu lagi.. Mulanya ingatkan nak buat new route PhD, tapi Dekan x galakkan.. so, cari punya carik, dpt approach Dr. Sri Kurniawan from Kak Murni (Now dah Assoc Prof. Dr. Murni Mahmud, UIA). kacau jugak sbb KUSZA dah lama xde polisi hantar staf ke obersi, sejak2 zaman kegawatan ni.. Fight dgn Khalid, hectic & kelam kabut. In fact In less than 2 wks before fly, VC cakap x bg pergi sbb status KUSZA yg blm jadi UDM time tu.. Bagaikan ditoreh x berdarah rupa masing2.. Pujuk punya pujuk (thru TNC academic), Alhamdulillah, 1 week before fly baru diluluskan.. gila kelam kabuttttt.. and kami sampai ke Manchester pada 2 September 2009.. Dari situlahbermula episod kehidupan yg lebih mencabar, di rantau orang..

Kita jumpa dia entry seterusnya..


Sunday, 7-Jun-2009 10:19 Email | Share | | Bookmark
Episod baru di Manchester (Dec 2008 - now)

Salam..

Dipendekkan cerita, my 1st (previous) supervisor, Dr Sri Kurniawan had left the University of Manchester, effective from Sept 1, 2008. At that time, i was in Malaysia; doing my 2nd phase of data collection. Dr. Simon Harper from the School of Computer Science had then agreed to be my supervisor, so i was transferred from Manchester Business School (from the ISIS group, Business Systems Division) to the Information Management Group (IMG). So, officially, from 1st September 2008, bermulalah episod menjadi student under Sch. of CS.

Dec 19th 2008 - end of the year
I only came back to UK with the children and Yean (my youngest brother who had willing to sacrifice his months for the sake of me & my children - since my husband had started his job in Abu Dhabi from mid Nov. 2008) on the 19th of Dec, 2008. Juga permulaan kepada episod duka lara di UK sementara ketiadaan suami di sisi.. Perit jugak kehidupan, it wasn't easy. Daripada episod mencari rumah, nak settle down (which took weeks sebab kebetulan time cuti Christmas & New Year, byk urusan x dapat diselesaikan).. Duit pun mengalir laju, selaju air terjun.. nak berhubung dgn 'afif di AD pun hanya melalui telefon & the cost was around 15 pounds/day. Bayangkan...

Dari rumah sementara di Galsworthy Avenue (maybe kami x sesuai tinggal d Kg Cheetham, ngeriii....), ke rumah di Chudleigh Rd (a nice house, but rather too small!). nasib baik 'Afif datang for 8 days time Christmas till New Year, to help us settling down.. at least tlg utk jadikan rumah Chudleigh tu lebih comfy utk didiami.. (tutup lubang angin, baiki pintu depan & belakang, pasang karpet baru di ruang tamu & dapur..).. barulah x sejuk sgt rmh tu..

Jan - Feb 2009
Start menjalani kehidupan as a 'new' student in HCW lab.. i like the environment that keeps pushing me to do my work & be efficient! Cumanya, i couldn't afford to get sick, anak2 pun kene sihat sentiasa, work, work, and work.... Stressful jugak i a way, sebab x tahu kenapa, org2 kat rumah silih berganti x sihat.. maybe sebab perubahan cuaca, or cuaca yg x menentu.. Lagi satu, bila suami tiada di sisi, sedihnyaaaa... Semua tanggungjawab harus dipikul sendiri.. but Alhamdulillah, at least Yean ada utk uruskan hantar/ambik anak2 ke sekolah.. i still remember having to go to the uni as early as 7:30 (tinggalkan anak2 kat rumah, depa buat bekai sekolah sendiri, etc) & balik rumah the earliest by 5 pm (kerja mmg byk, tp x sampai hati tinggalkan anak2 lama). Progress updates every Monday, & meetings on Wednesdays.. Learnt a lot though, & i am really thankful to HCW lab members & my supervisor, Dr. Simon for the feedback & support all these while.. cumaaaa....


March 2009 - now (early June)
Simon broke the news.. Well, i respect him for being so honest & really keen for me to be able to move on my with Phd. I've been given 2 choices ; If i wanna stay with CS, try to come up with something relatively new, possibly related to the work that i've done.. 2nd choice, i could try to find a supervisor from ISIS & move back to MBS & tailor my research to suit the requirements by MBS. The truth is, since i am now with CS, there are different requirements and expectations for the PhD & the main concern is, can i do that much thing in just 1 year?

Dah puas menangis, depan anak2 pun menangis, dok sorang2 pun menangis.. memang ujian Allah dlm pelbagai bentuk.. nak jumpa kawan/org pun rasa x de mood.. puas menangis tergolek2... akhirnya, terpaksa terima hakikat yg i'll be here for more than a year from now.. terpaksa.. terimalah hakikat tu.. kalau x, x habis PhD. The reason for me being transferred to CS was because during the time, there was nobody from ISIS that could/able/willing/interested? to supervise me.. & what else can i do?? i was in Malaysia back then...

So, from March 2008; i had approached a few people, seeking opinions, etc.. and Prof. Andrew Howes showed his interest to help me.. at least, there is a light in the darkness through the longgggg tunnel that i've been travelling... nevertheless, Simon is always of great help, with great ideas and enthusiam (which sometimes I'm not sure whether i can cope with.. not to say that i do not appreciate the help that i'm getting now).

So far, i've submitted a new proposal for further work. Simon had told me that i could use my 2 experiments as a preliminary work (oh, i spent 2 years on that major work which has now can only be used as a preliminary work - that i'm not sure how preliminary those would be..). Met Simon last Wednesday, again he came up with a fantastic idea to move on with Web 2.0 but i realized that i've prepared my proposal based on the idea given by Andrew, which well.. i'd say, rather different than Simon's.. Supportive as he'd be, Simon suggested that he'll attend next meetings with Andrew, provided that he's given 1 wk notice & based on his free slots (wed & friday, afternoon).

So far, i'm still awaiting response from Andrew.. it's been more than a week now.. am i nervous, anxious?? i think i feel more than that.. eventhough i think that was the best proposal that i've came up with (with sound lit rev & related work), who knows..

I realized that i was so anxious coz i've been eating like mad since last week.. ergghhhh... ngeriii... x mau la jadi gemuk.. kene control skit.. tp dah mmg penyakitku begitu.. lagi tension/nervous, lg makan... sementelahan pulak, Dekan dah bagi notice a few weeks ago, mtk hantar application to extend my study leave.. Dah hantar an email, "a cry for help" to the MBS PGR Manager & PGR Administrator.. & still waiting.. coz the news since the past 2 wks was, "the transfer is in progress"..

Sesungguhnya penantian itu suatu penyiksaan.. at the same time, mohon Allah bagi kekuatan, ilmu, ilham, kecerdasan, kemampuan, kebolehan, keberkatan, kejayaan, etc..e tc.. Ya Allah, ampunilah aku, makbulkanlah doa2ku.. Sesungguhnya dah byk pengorbanan yg dicurahkan oleh suamiku, anak2ku & keluargaku semasa aku meniti perjalanan ini.. Ya Allah, ampunilah kami, berkatilah kami, kurniakanlah kejayaan kpd kami, dunia & akhirat.. Kurniakanlah kekuatan utkku meneruskan perjuangan in, & kurniakan rezeki kpd kami sekeluarga.. Amin, Ya Rabbal 'Alamin...

-end for now-[i][quote]


Sunday, 7-Jun-2009 10:04 Email | Share | | Bookmark
Happy 37th Birthday to my beloved hubby - Mohd 'Afif Ahmad

me & 'afif on my bdae, a few wks ago (20/05/09)
my love..
my heart & soul..
View all 5 photos...
Salam all..

It's been ages since i've last updated this fotopages.. & i almost forgot that i have one until last night my hubby asked about it!! And.. so many things had happened all these while... ada sedih *tergolek2*, ada happy.. tp byk gak la yg sedih2..

Anyway, Happy Burfdae to u my love.. Semoga Allah sentiasa merahmati kehidupan kita sekeluarga, di dunia & di akhirat..


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